Tag Archives: faith

Face Your Fears

That saying about how you leave a piece of you everywhere you go? It’s true.

In December of 2012, I graduated college as an overwhelmed, under-confident, confused and terrified girl. I knew who I wanted to be but not how to change into that person. I knew what I wanted to do, but not how to achieve it. I knew I wanted to feel alive, but I didn’t know how.

I hopped on a flight–actually I hopped on 19 flights–and every time I left a place, I left a small piece of that insecure and shy and unsure girl. Every time I hopped on a plane, I was different–I gained vision or confidence or fearlessness or a feeling of comfort with who I am. I gained a sense of sureness in me and my judgment and my sense of humor and my decision making. Throughout eight countries, as I fought through talking with strangers and liaising with government officials and learning new languages and teaching, I found my sense of self.

Right now, I don’t feel a pressing need to escape–it’s a new feeling for me, wanting to stay (mostly) put. Whereas I can recall–and have the journal entries to prove–that I was desperate to change and be shaken before, now I’m not. That alone tells me that I’ve made progress.

Do I still have things to work on? I cannot say yes quickly enough! But this isn’t a celebration of my perfection–this is a celebration of my progress.

Now, less than 2 years later (21 months, actually) I wouldn’t recognize that other girl. I am well on my way to being who I want to be, and for the first time ever, I am happy with myself. I achieved what I set out to do. I have never felt more alive. This is my definition of success.

So my advice to anyone who is looking to grow: Do exactly what it is that you’re terrified of. For me, it was leaving my safety net and having to make decisions by myself. Throw yourself into those situations that you think will leave you paralyzed with fear.

Tbilis--the Griffin that guards the Burberry store.
Tbilis–the Griffin that guards the Burberry store.

I promise that you will surprise yourself. …I certainly did.

Faith and Fear

This is a sappy post. Read at your own risk.

 

I got the job I asked for. I’m being paid to live in various countries and do what I do best–sway people. I am fully aware of how awesome this is, and how much I don’t deserve this. Heck, I’m going to Malaysia soon! I actually am being sent, for free, to a country I have wanted to see for at least a decade. 

But this job is hard! Not so much the work–it is something I’m suited for. But while I have never been super close with my family, I’ve become accustomed to them being near. I was able to go out on my own and try or fail, because I knew someone would be there to help me pick up the pieces–maybe that was my parents or grandparents, or maybe a best friend. On the flip side, I was able to be there for the people important to me! Weddings and bad days and health crisis–I could be there in no more than 2 hours. 

So now, sitting in my room in Belgium, it’s hard to know that my grandfather is having health issues and I can’t even be at the hospital with my family. It’s hard to still be positive about this job when right now I’m confronted with such a negative. And it’s really hard to feel like you have abandoned your family to follow your dream. 

I know my Pops is proud of me, and that he wouldn’t want me to worry about him. But that is a hard thing to do. 

The Countdown Begins

I just got my contract–my first day of training is April 2! I’m trying to plan everything–I am a planner by nature–and I’m learning that I can’t think of every scenario. This is going to be an exercise in faith for me, certainly. The list of things to take care of (books, change of address, clothes,) is starting to pile up, and the goodbye’s have started. 

Throughout the next month, my goal is to come to peace with the unknown and the inevitable surprises and hiccups. I’m going to enjoy this last month of ‘home’, and spend time with family and friends. I need to remind myself to really appreciate the people I’m surrounded with, and the time I’m spending with them now. I am excited, absolutely. But I’m  anxious and fearful too–I have to be mindful that my faith needs to override my fear!