Sweet mercy from Heaven this is hard.
I have wanted to leave the U.S. since I first realized there were other countries to visit, and Asia has always been at the top of my list. (Tied with the Middle East, of course.) So now I’m here, and it’s scary. I keep waiting for the scary to pass, but it hasn’t. There is a scary shadow that floats with me, and constantly reminds me that I’m alone, and too young for this, and I don’t know what I’m doing.
I need that stupid, scary shadow to shut up. Because I am not alone–I have an awesome team here who has/is going through the exact same thing! I am not too young for this–I have my degree, I am a legal adult, and my company knows how old I am. I know what I am doing–for the most part. Of course it’s a new job and I’ve only been here two weeks, but I have a general idea of what to do and how to do it. And back to the first point, I have an awesome team that is willing to help.
This week, I have some things to work on!
1. Ask questions. I think anyone who knows me knows that I hesitate, BIG TIME, to ask questions. That is a death sentence in this job. Questions do not indicate stupidity; they indicate a curiosity and desire to be better.
2. Be reasonable with myself. Have goals, but attainable goals. If I try to push myself as hard as I did in college, I will fail here. Determining the balance between excelling and over-achieving is key.
3. Don’t give up. It takes 21 days to form or break a small habit–it is bound to take a while to acclimate. So yes, this morning I did call my dad in tears begging to come home. But I don’t actually want to be home. Familiarity is like a drug for me…I feel like I need a ‘hit’ of home to keep going. I am addicted to my safety net (i.e. Georgia) and now I’m being thrown out into the world! Quitting cold turkey, so to speak.
This is my chance to grow up, and be independent. This is my opportunity to find myself and prove to myself I can do it, and all the other cliches. This is the answer to every prayer and every wish and every hope. So as hard as it is now, it will be twice as rewarding in the end.
I apologize if you’re one of the chosen few who get my frustrated texts/emails/facebook messages/skypes about my half-desire to come home. Those will pass. Eventually.