Familiarity is a drug to me.

Sweet mercy from Heaven this is hard. 

I have wanted to leave the U.S. since I first realized there were other countries to visit, and Asia has always been at the top of my list. (Tied with the Middle East, of course.) So now I’m here, and it’s scary. I keep waiting for the scary to pass, but it hasn’t. There is a scary shadow that floats with me, and constantly reminds me that I’m alone, and too young for this, and I don’t know what I’m doing. 

I need that stupid, scary shadow to shut up. Because I am not alone–I have an awesome team here who has/is going through the exact same thing! I am not too young for this–I have my degree, I am a legal adult, and my company knows how old I am. I know what I am doing–for the most part. Of course it’s a new job and I’ve only been here two weeks, but I have a general idea of what to do and how to do it. And back to the first point, I have an awesome team that is willing to help. 

 

This week, I have some things to work on! 

1. Ask questions. I think anyone who knows me knows that I hesitate, BIG TIME, to ask questions. That is a death sentence in this job. Questions do not indicate stupidity; they indicate a curiosity and desire to be better. 

2. Be reasonable with myself. Have goals, but attainable goals. If I try to push myself as hard as I did in college, I will fail here. Determining the balance between excelling and over-achieving is key. 

3. Don’t give up. It takes 21 days to form or break a small habit–it is bound to take a while to acclimate. So yes, this morning I did call my dad in tears begging to come home. But I don’t actually want to be home. Familiarity is like a drug for me…I feel like I need a ‘hit’ of home to keep going. I am addicted to my safety net (i.e. Georgia) and now I’m being thrown out into the world! Quitting cold turkey, so to speak.

This is my chance to grow up, and be independent. This is my opportunity to find myself and prove to myself I can do it, and all the other cliches. This is the answer to every prayer and every wish and every hope. So as hard as it is now, it will be twice as rewarding in the end. 

I apologize if you’re one of the chosen few who get my frustrated texts/emails/facebook messages/skypes about my half-desire to come home. Those will pass. Eventually. 

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6 thoughts on “Familiarity is a drug to me.”

  1. Dear friend, we been through it all together, so i do understand what are u talking about!! it s normal to feel scared as it’s all knew but it s all about routine and familiarity. the question you have to ask yourself is… Do I like what am i doing?? is this job for me?? if the answer is YES everything else will come with time. Love u and miss you!!! also sending u loads of hugs hope will help u !!!xxx Ana

      1. hi mariah this is wanda just wanted to give you a word of encouragement, GOD DIDN’T GIVE US THE SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT POWER OF LOVE AND A SOUND.
        WE CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST THAT STRENGTHEN US.
        just to let you know that i keep you and your family in my prayers. keep up the GOOD WORK

      2. Thank you Mrs. Wanda! That means so much to me! I really appreciate the positive thoughts and prayers.

  2. Mariah, we met a few years ago at a Christmas party at your dad’s house. He keeps me up to date on your many achievements and adventures.

    You have made many changes all at once! You left the word of academia and launched into business. You also left the comfort of family and friends. You may have virtual friends and new acquaintances, but those are not adequate substitues for someone sitting down very comfortably with you over coffee or giving you a big hug, especially when one is desparately needed. You also left a familiar circle of places and activities, not just for another American scene, but for an entirely new culture. Any one of those things is demanding…all three surely must seem overwhelming!

    However, you are a woman of faith and know that God is certainly bigger than obstacles of any kind or size. You shouldn’t be trying to do His work for Him. Let him bring you the comfort and peace that only He can give. You are also a woman of courage. You chose to leave all that was comfortable in the short term to acheive your goals for the long term. No discipline, whether self imposed or not, is ever going to be pleasant. …but it will be worth it. Your head knows this, it always takes your emotions a little time to play catch up. You are also a woman of many talents. Instead of reacting to all that is coming your way, turn those tables and see where you might be of use to someone else. There are others starting in this business, or someone in need of a new friend or someone in need of a kind word. God has so much going on where you are and you might be just the person He needed to accomplish a special need. You may not actually be there for your skill set, but to serve Him because you are willing and He is able.

    I am praying for you. One day you’ll be sharing your apprehensions with someone else in your place now. You’ll be smiling at all that God walked you through, both in your career and in your life. Blessings, Stacy B.

  3. Mariah!! This is so exciting and You are very brave to make the leap. Most people will never try. Of course it’s scary, that’s part of the adventure. Ask 1000 questions, you are exactly right. The mistake is to never ask.

    Take care and hang in there. So excited for you!

    Elizabeth

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