Stages of a Transatlantic flight.

Flying is fun! Alliteration, apparently, is also. Flying for 8 hours straight and you start to hear voices. 

 

Stage One:Excitement. This plane is going to take you somewhere new. All you have to do is sit back and relax. Piece of cake! (2 hours)

Stage Two: Boredom. There is only so long one can look at cornfields and lakes the size of puddles, or houses that resemble a mini game of Monopoly before it all gets old. And that book you brought? Snooze-fest. (1.5 hours)

Stage Three: Rationalization. You can make it. Only..5 and half hours to go! Maybe you can sleep? Wait,how do you recline this seat? And who said the passenger next to you got the armrest?! And can that row of girls SHUT UP!! Nothing is funny about bad airplane food. (1 hour).

Stage 4:Hallucinations. At this point, you may be experiencing many things. The constant white noise is making you question your sanity. You need to escape, so you make your way to the bathroom and stare at yourself–did you look this tired when you boarded the plane? Personally, I started hearing things–ominous plane noises. Somewhere in here you may snatch some sleep. Don’t expect more than 15 minutes before a stewardess inevitably comes by rustling a bag to wake you. (1.5-2 hours.)

Stage 5: Bargaining and Denial. If only you could parachute out of the window–anything to end this. You cannot sleep, you cannot think straight, and that blasted passenger next to you! Surely landing is close…45 minutes tops. Check the time–make that 2 hours. You will do anything to fall asleep. Drugs? Does anyone know where you can get a great Xanax? Or alcohol. Eight dollars for a mini bottle of tequila is starting to sound quite reasonable! 

And finally, blessedly, you start the descent that means you can STAND UP, and walk around, and most importantly, TALK. Freedom. 

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